I picked this up from another blog. A youth pastor who heads back to school as a Sophomore. This is very interesting and I look forward to the experiences he has to share with everyone about this. Parents, please read. Grandparents, take heed. Our youth are important, VERY important.


After sitting on my experience for over a year and reflecting on this “Back to School” season, here are a few suggestions I would like to offer to parents if they want to have a better relationship with their kids.
1.Offer Amnesty to your kids
2. Play Favorites.
3. Suck up to teachers
4. Take your kids out of school.
5. Schedule a two week check up
6. Yell less, hug more
7. Don’t listen to your kids
8. Get comfortable with the word “Porn.”
9. Don’t believe everything you read..
10. Practice not being surprised

1.Offer Amnesty to your kids…Wouldn’t you love for your boss to walk into your office and tell you that every mistake you have made in the past can be forgiven , without consequence, if you’ll just come clean at that instant. . “You get a fresh start and a chance to start over” he says. Your kids would love that chance with you and they need that. Take your kid out to eat at a restaurant of their choosing. Share with them that you want them to have the chance to share anything they have ever done wrong with no consequence ... That’s right, you can’t ground them, spank them or punish them for what happened in the past. Offer them a clean start. (while there may be no consequences or punishment for past mistakes, your future decision making may be influenced by their previous bad choices.) Partner this with suggestion number ten: Practice not being surprised.

2. Play Favorites. Your kids are different. No two kids are alike. They are in different grades, they are at different maturity levels and they even view the world differently. So don’t treat them the same. The odds are pretty good that one of your kids right now needs more attention that your other one. So give it to them. It doesn’t mean that you love the other ones less, it means that you care enough to reach out to the one in need, when they need it. As a matter of fact, if you share with the family what is going on, all of you can work together to play favorites!
3. Suck up to teachers—You suck up to your boss, why not suck up to your kid’s boss? Think about it…teachers generally spend more time in a day with your kids than you do. You want them being nice to your kids. You want them investing in, caring for, nurturing, supporting and encouraging your child. Model that for them. Treat teachers like you want them treating your kid. Now that I read this one, it seems kind of obvious. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto your kids.”

4. Take your kids out of school. These are your kids, so spend time with them. Perfect attendance awards may be important, but a high school graduate who knows their parents care more about them as a person than they do about a perfect attendance award is priceless. I’m not suggesting taking your kids out of school every week or on test days, I’m suggesting a calculated, “planned surprise”, coordinated with teachers and administrators where you get to spend lunch, an afternoon or even an entire day with your kid.

5. Schedule a two week check up… Why wait until the first grade card comes home to check on your kids. Two weeks after school starts, take them out for a burger and inquire how things are going. Focus on their academic life as the last part of your conversation! The odds are pretty good that the social aspect of their day is consuming most of their time. Help with the relational/social part of their life…and the academic part will follow. Let your child know that this time is about you caring for them and not about you trying to ensure college scholarship money for excellent academic performance.

6. Yell less, hug more. Do I really need to explain this one? Kids never outgrow hugs. Safe meaningful touch is always appropriate from a parent. Your kids will never come home from school and say “Hug me, I had a bad day.” Look for moments to grab your kids, no matter their age, and wrap them in a genuine warm embrace. They won’t say that’s what they need, and will probably even act like they don’t want it at first, but they are lying. If it’s been a while since your last parent/kid hug, it may be awkward at first…but over time, it will get easier and you will see your relationship change from this simple, yet meaningful gesture.

7. Don’t listen to your kids. Kids say things that hurt. Sometimes they say things that make no sense. Sometimes they even say things that aren’t even true. So don’t listen to them. Okay, you need to listen to them a little bit, but don’t let their words be the only data you use to determine what they are trying to communicate. Filter their words with the information you have about their personality, about their maturity, about their relationships, about their day at school and even about their diet and sleep patterns. If you don’t know about those things, maybe you need to find out more about your kid before you try and listen to just their words. They are trying to tell you something, even if they don’t know how to say it with words. All behavior has meaning.

8. Get comfortable with the word “Porn.” If they can’t talk to you about it, they will talk to someone else about it. You don’t want your or your kid ending up on Dateline because you were afraid to say it. So go into the bathroom, look into the mirror and practice the phrase, “So, do you know kids who look at porn on the internet?” Get them talking about other kids and their habits…then go for it. Ask the question: “So, have you ever looked at porn?” It will be awkward. Do it anyway. You are making an investment in their future relationships, their eventual marriage, and even the relationship you have with them right now. Keep the conversation short, but ask regularly. Seriously, get comfortable using the word porn.

9. Don’t believe everything you read. –A lot today is written about kids. Every day statistics are released, studies are done and we are bombarded with even more information about how bad things are for kids, and sometimes even how bad kids are. I wonder if kids are even starting believe this stuff? We are the grown ups. We are supposed to be the ones they trust. We are supposed to paint the picture of hope for their future. In my opinion we are committing an act of betrayal by bombarding them with all of this information that “de-inspires” them. Thank Al Gore and Jeremy Iverson (High School Confidential, Atria books) for your “near sighted” view and of a potential future and current reality for our kids.

10. Practice not being surprised. One reason kids don’t communicate with their parent is because of the initial pain involved for the student. Kids know they are sharing things that will leave parents hurt, confused or even upset. Often they don’t share because of the initial “freak out”, “hit the ceiling moment” that happens when the information is shared. Practice a calm rational response that only includes phrases like, “tell me more” and “you have my attention, would you like something to drink while we talk about this.” You may be surprised how much your kids will share if their introduction to the conversation isn’t greeted with “I told you so…”, What did you do now…” or “I can’t believe you did that.”

Building up or Knocking Down

I don't consider myself much of a carpenter or a repair man for that matter. I'm not very good with a saw and I am much worse with any forms of electrical tools. Give me a sledge hammer though and I can make it work.

This last couple of days I have been removing a harth from my house. It is made of cement stones and brick. I have loved just about every minute of it, in fact my 3 year old looked at me when we were almost done and said, "Lets do this to the whole house!"

Sometimes as Christians we fail miserably at building one another up. Let's face it, that is one of the traits of being a human being. If we are down in dumps, it feels much better to bring other along, or if we are feeling great, we better kick others down before they kick us. Once you get started, it's hard to stop, if you're not careful, you've destroyed the whole house without even knowing it.

Paul is very clear about how we are to treat one another. "Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humilty, gentleness and patience. Bear with one another and forgive. . ." Colossians 3:12-13a. Yikes, that is a lot of goody goody stuff floating around.

Stop for a minute and think about this though. Isn't it nice to be around people who are like this. I know a few and I much perfer their presence over say, almost anyone. Now, here is a much deeper question. Do those verses describe you? I know, touchy, but think about it. Are you that kind of person or are you destructive in nature?

I'm not trying to get anyone in trouble, infact my hope is that all of us will treat one another in the way that Paul describes how we should. I sense that if we were truly this kind of people all of the time that everyone would want to know what this faith thing was about.

For know though, we can try. We can put our best foot forward and when we fail, and accidently on purpose destroy something, we will strive to build one another up. Not for our glory, because it's not about me anymore.

aaron

On a Faith Search?

Faith is not dead*. Jason Elam, the field goal kicker for the Denver Broncos is taking a comparative religions course in his spare time. When he attended Hawaii for college he wasn't exactly sure if what he believed was true. He chose to set his preconcieved ideas out of the way and started from scratch, so to speak, to figure out what was true.

The study has only made is faith stronger. You can read the brief article here. He is getting ready to lead a group of athletes to Israel and he knows what he believes and is not afraid to share the reason for the hope that he has.

Elam brings up a strong point. Many times we as Christians have a fear of defending our faith. We are afraid of looking stupid, we are afraid of looking foolish, we fear being challenged. Yet, God is not afraid of such advances. He is not afraid of being called in the carpet, He is the truth.

If you are having a difficult time with your faith, do not be afraid to test it. Here are some important things to consider when testing your faith**:

1. Be sure you are truly using an open mind. This can be hard, truthfully an open mind is very hard to come by. Don't go into your faith test with the purpose of proving something wrong. Take a look at all of the different angles. Consult others on both sides of the fence.


2. Don't bog yourself down. Sometimes we try to look at EVERYTHING related to our study. Follow the most important keys to the religions in question. Truthfully, no matter which religion you are studying, answers on specific things vary person to person. Understand the foundational beliefs. Ask the right questions. Who is God? Who is saved? How do you get there?


3. Set a time to make your conclusion. We can all argue ourselves to death. Literally, argue until we die. Set a time, be specific, on such and such a date make a decision. Give yourself enough to study, to focus and to answer your questions.

The God I serve is not concerned about being tested. He challenges you to seek. To find. We are not to be waffling in our faith for our whole lives. He wants us to understand, believe and live for him.

*Many people believe that it is a waste of time to have faith. It takes a lot of faith to believe that doesn't it? Faith is defined as taking what you believe and putting into action. If you believe there is no God, you must act like it. I pray more and more believers in Christ will put there faith in action and truly live what they believe. Wouldn't the world be a truly different place?

**I am sure there are more things to consider, but it is very important to set parameters on how you are going to make your decision. Don't argue to argue, argue to learn.

Struggling Because of Others

Colossians 1:23-2:5

We have been dealing with some pretty heavey stuff on Sunday mornings in regard to how we fit into and live our lives for Christ in the world around us today. Specifically, this week brought a lot of pain when we focused on living and dealing with the struggles we have today. One of the things we did not have time to discuss in our services is how do we deal with struggles that involve other people. For example you may be going through a struggle with someone, or your struggle directly effects the life of another.

Struggles are not fun, especially when they involve another. Let's first look at how God wants us to deal with those who harm us. In the book of Matthew Jesus asks Peter how many times he thinks we should forgive others. He responds that we should forgive 7 times, Jesus counters, saying, no, 7 times 7. Are you kidding me? Truthfully I pray none of us put ourselves in position to have to forgive someone that many times. We should be smart about who we choose to be around. Yet, in the same breath, when someone brings a struggle in your life, or they are a struggle in your life, God desires for you to forgive.

Often, to avoid in sort of confrontation, we choose to ignore. Hope it goes away. I believe that God wants something more from us. He wants us to take those challenges head on. Remember in Col. 1:29 Paul says that we struggle with all of GOD's energy, he will give us the strength to forgive, to face the struggle.

You cannot hide or avoid a struggle, you cannot make it disappear. Face up to your struggles, trust God for his strength and never ever give up.

ae

CIY Sickness

Art and the kids are at CIY this week and unfortunately they are sick!! About 3 or 4 of the youth we sent to CIY are sick with the flu. They have been taking turns using the bathroom and all of our sponsors are exhuasted. Let's all be sure we ar praying for them.



New Youth Minister

Last night the Elders and I met to discuss bring on a new youth minister. We all agreed to offer the job to Shaun Hart, a graduate of NCC. Shaun and his family live in Eugene, for the time being, Shaun will commute down to the church from Eugene on Sunday's and Wednesdays. He starts on Aug 12. What an exciting time for the church.

ae